In Dreams, In Death
by Raye Lynne
Summary: “Why do we assume that the state of ‘daytime’ in which we live now is the state in which we truly live? Who can say that dreams, the world of ‘night’ is not where we are alive for real?”


**In Dreams; In Death**

A/N: Hello, and welcome to my first fic for xxxHOLiC! It is strange, just to warn you…but it might make you think a bit! Yay metaphysics :3 Anyhow, enjoy, and please let me know what you thought:)

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A splendour of molten oranges and acidic pinks, hemmed by slender ribbons of low-lying charcoal clouds spread out on display for Ichihara Yuuko and Watanuki Kimihiro as they relaxed on the shop's back porch. In between sips of sake, Yuuko would inhale the sweet-smelling tobacco from her slender, ivory-inlaid pipe held carefully between her long, tapered fingers; she breathed the smoke out in barely visible streams from her ruby-red lips. Watanuki gazed out at the horizon, deep in thought, his glasses reflecting the last golden sliver of the sun.

Out of the corners of her cat-like eyes, Yuuko glanced sideways at her young assistant, a smile curling on her lips, for she knew that, at any moment, he was going to ask something…

"Yuuko-san?"

"Yes, Watanuki."

'There's been so much over the past weeks that you've told me about dreams. I've been thinking about it a lot and I've been wondering…what is it that constitutes dying?"

Yuuko said nothing.

Watanuki continued, "Since dreams occur when two worlds touch, but one must enter the spirit world to see them – if your spirit leaves your body, is that dying?"

Yuuko was pleased. She hadn't responded in order to prompt Watanuki to continue, so she could see if he understood his own question. He had not disappointed her, while she in turn had known that what he was really asking was ---

'Do we die when we dream?"

_Very good, Watanuki._

Before she could answer, however, he continued, to her surprise.

"But that's only one thing."

Yuuko nodded once, slowly, indicating her ward should continue.

"Why do we assume that the state of 'daytime' in which we live now is the state in which we truly _live? _Who can say that dreams, the world of 'night' is not where we are alive for real?"

Yuuko could not help but smile. "Are those two things not contradicting?"

_A test for you, Watanuki._

"Not quite," Watanuki replied. "I'm starting to believe that dreams and death are the same. The only question would be if, by 'dreams', does it mean dreams as we know them? Or, rather, 'life'?"

_Well done._

"Or…" Yuuko paused to take a long drag on her pipe and to leisurely blow the smoke out, "…is there no such thing as life, and is everything a dream? Are you dreaming even now, Watanuki? Or I? Or both of us?"

"Or, do we belong to someone else's dream entirely?" Watanuki wondered. "Are our lives over when that someone awakens?"

Yuuko's mysterious smile was visible only for an instant before it was hidden by the cup of sake she raised to her lips.

Watanuki waited, patiently. He knew well not to press Yuuko for answers, but to make sure he was listening when she gave them.

Only the illusion of sun remained; a muted glow crested the horizon, but its origin was lost to sight. Lost to existence, perhaps. Who could say the sun did not leave the world entirely when it sank below the western skyline? Perhaps the sun had died, and it was now waiting in a different world to be reborn tomorrow.

At last, Yuuko replied:

"The most wonderful mysteries in this world should always remain as such for those who have not yet understood their purpose upon the earth – at least the earth to which they are bound the most. Existence…it is a very fragile thing, Watanuki, but very valuable indeed. Whether you find out one day that you will not return from a dreamworld, or that you will awaken only to discover you have fallen asleep forever, it doesn't matter."

'But…you do know the answer…" He was not pushing her, and she realized this. He was struck, however, by the sadness he glimpsed as it flashed across her face.

"Yes," she replied softly. "Although I would rather I didn't…oftentimes, knowledge such as this can force one to lose sight of what's most important. You will find the answer on your own, one day. Until then, remember this:

"At this moment in time, in this world, on this plane of mortal existence…one way or the other, you are alive, Watanuki Kimihiro. You are alive, and there is no knowledge more precious than that."

Watanuki bowed his head. 'Thank you, Yuuko-san."

Yuuko inclined her head in turn, then gazed out at the sky again. The fiery scene had faded into a misting of purples, silvers, and blues. The day had died. The moment was over.

Yuuko spoke again; her tone had changed entirely. "There seems to be a problem here, Watanuki."

"Eh?" Watanuki replied, caught off-guard.

Yuuko smiled mischievously. "There's an unfortunate lack of sake here," she said, shaking her empty cup in Watanuki's face, which, of course, set him off.

"You've almost drunk a whole bottle already!"

"_Almost," _said Yuuko slyly.

"Hmmmmmph," growled Watanuki, getting to his feet. He grabbed the glass from Yuuko's loose grip. "Don't blame me for the hangover you're going to have tomorrow!" he yelled over his shoulder as he went inside.

Even once he had entered the shop, Yuuko gazed at the spot where he had vanished.

_You've come so far, Watanuki._

She turned her gaze to the sky above, drawing on her pipe once more.

_Soon…I will be gone…Sooner than I'd hoped. But I believe…I truly think…_

She smiled as she exhaled; the smoke spiraled and twisted, fading away into the darkening sky.

Watanuki returned with a full glass and presented it with a sarcastic bow. Yuuko accepted it, clutching it in her fingers gently, but did not drink.

"That will be everything tonight, Watanuki."

His eyes widened slightly in his surprise. "Are you sure? It's still early…"

'Get some rest. You've done enough."

He lowered his gaze and inclined his head. "Goodnight, Yuuko-san."

"Goodnight, Watanuki."

When he was gone, she tilted her face to the sky once again, smiling at the stars that were now visible, as though they had only sprung into existence at that moment. Perhaps they had.

_I truly think…when the time comes…you will be ready._

_I believe in you._

Yuuko stayed on the porch for a long time, still, silent. Then there was a whisper, a ripple in the air, a soul slipping away into another world, and the memory of a heartbeat somewhere.

In a single fluid motion, she rose to her feet, smiling still, and stepped back into the shop, quietly pulling the sliding-door closed, erasing the outside world.

_Sweet dreams, Watanuki._

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A/N: Thank you for reading! I would appreciate a nice review or two if you would care to give it…hope to hear what you thought!

~Raye Lynne :b


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